I know nobody ever said this faithful walk with Christ would be easy, but I honestly did not expect it to be this difficult. I’m learning that as we walk with Christ, allowing him to renew our mind and transform us from the inside out, it really requires one heck of a commitment. We have to make that choice in order for our relationship with Christ to grow. As powerful as the Spirit is working inside of me, it can’t work unless I have a listening heart.. something that I’ve been lacking of.
I remember Pastor Baize preaching that you are as close to God as you choose to be, and that His presence never falter or diminishes- but our awareness of Him does. It’s so easy to get distracted and lose sight of what really matters- God.
With that said, I am choosing to tune in.
I’ve been guilty of comparing myself with others and their ministry, and Rick Warren is right. Comparing yourself to others only lead to either discouragement, or pride. Clearly that is what’s happening to me, making myself discouraged by comparing myself to others.
While I may not know or be aware of my gifts and abilities that God has given me, I will be patient in letting those gifts unfold and unravel. I learned that the best way to discover those gifts is by experimenting with different service areas. How am I suppose to know what my gifts are if I haven’t give it the chance to shine or be used? I’m not going to know what I’m good at until I start serving. I don’t have to have special skills and abilities to start serving. Me being alive at this very moment is a gift alone that God has given me already. My present alone is a tool God has given me to serve Him!
I have the tendency to doubt myself and all my capabilities. I’ve been reading and hearing the importance of ministry and service, but somehow I’m STUCK. I know that I am suppose to be serving God through serving others, but I’m not sure if I’m well equipped, let alone know what I’m even suppose to minister in.
There goes that doubting myself again. I guess I am making excuses about me not being ready to be involved and serve, because like I mentioned in my last post, spiritual maturity doesn’t necessary have a simple instruction to follow. I have been struggling what the next step is in the journey of walking with Christ.
I know that God has made me for a purpose- and that’s to serve other unselfishly, but the hardest part about that is HOW. I want to get involved and serve this world for God’s purpose. I don’t want to just be another person that consumes what the world has to offer. I want to be used and be a blessing… I don’t want to just exist, I want to serve.
I just need to trust God with all my heart, that He is working in me, and that He will guide me in the service that He wants me to serve in, and that I need to be patient. It’s kind of contradictory because even though I tell myself to be patient, it feels like I’m wasting valuable time that I can be serving God. It is all so confusing!
I have been incredibly blessed with what the church has been doing in my life-healing and restoring hope. It’s time that I somehow give back to them… I need not to be afraid in asking what and how I can help with the church. It’s just the church looks great, what do I have to offer? But I know there is always room for improvement. That’s another thing I tend to do-make excuses.
I guess to wrap things up, making up excuses and doubting myself all contribute to holding me back from accepting God’s call to serve him. I have been so wrapped up in what’s the right and best way to serve God, and it’s becoming clear to me there isn’t a right and best way. There is no correlation between size and significance of ministries.. Today will definitely be called for just reflecting back in how I’ve been serving God and how I can improve.
I have to be honest… the past couple of days I’ve been spiritually bankrupted. I read my bible, say a little prayer, but it’s all so empty. I’ve been warned that there would be spiritual seasons, times when I would feel God’s presence more than ever, and time when it feels like He’s not even tuning in on me. But I know for a fact that every day, every hour, every minute HE is present, but somehow my awareness of His presence is faltering…
Today I am thankful for being reminded that even when it feels like God isn’t doing a work in me,I must trust and believe that God is working in my life even if I don’t feel it. Since fully accepting Christ a couple of months ago, I’ve been in such a rush for this transformation that every Christian talk about occurring. And it just doesn’t feel like I’m spiritually growing cause I find myself reverting back to my old habits.
So in hopes of not quickly forgetting the lessons I’ve learned and will be learning, I have devoted to writing a journal of all the lessons God is teaching me.
Note to self and to any other believers having a difficult time in their spiritual growth, know that Christ isn’t finish with you, even when you feel like He isn’t doing a work in you. Don’t get discouraged. The development of Christlike character cannot be rushed and that rarely do ours and God’s timetable ever match.
VOTD: “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” Philippinians 1:6 (KJV)